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[title] => Postoji jedan prihvatljivi način varanja u vezi i mnogi ga prakticiraju; Za njega možemo optužiti skoro svakoga
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Preljub, odnosno varanje ljubavnog partnera ili partnerice najveće je iskušenje za vezu. Kao što se razlikuju partneri i veze, tako se razlikuje i ono što neki smatraju varanjem.
Slanje vrućih fotografija ili dogovaranje spoja iza leđa partneru (ili partnerici) postupci su koje povezujemo s preljubom. Australska stručnjakinja za veze Jana Hocking tvrdi da postoji nešto što se naziva "mikro varanje" i za što se gotovo svakoga od nas može optužiti
"Mikro varanje" uključuje svakodnevne "sitne" aktivnosti, poput hihotanja sa zgodnom konobaricom u omiljenom kafiću, pa čak i divljenje savršenom tijelu nekog pjevača ili pjevačice. Prema mišljenju Jane Hocking, svi to ponekad činimo - i ne trebamo se toga sramiti, piše Nina Čiča za Živim.hr.
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- Čak i ako imam partnera (a nažalost nemam ga), reći ću svojim kolegicama s posla "wow" kad pored nas prođe najzgodniji tip u uredu - izjavila je za News.com.au.
Dodala je i kako se nada da će i njezin budući partner učiniti isto ili da će, kad budu zajedno, provesti spoj promatrajući seksepilne neznance na javnom mjestu s ciljem ultimativnog "iskustva zbližavanja". Onima koji su protiv "mikro- varanja" savjetuje da potraže pomoć i porade na svom problemu koji se tiče potrebe kontroliranja partnera.
Problem privlačnih prijatelja suprotnog spola
Još jedno "smiješno" zvono za uzbunu za australsku single stručnjakinju za veze je reći intimnom partneru da ne smije imati privlačne prijatelje suprotnog spola.
- S obzirom na to da nisam u vezi, moram reći da se neću prestati češljati i šminkati samo zato da bih mogla ostati prijateljica s nekim dobrim muškarcima u svom životu koji su u vezama. Volim misliti da su njihove partnerice dovoljno sigurne u sebe da znaju da im ja nisam nikakva prijetnja - kaže Jana dodajući da postoji samo jedan razlog zašto bi za vas bio problem to što vaš partner čavrlja s drugim osobama suprotnog spola, a to je da zato što ste sami zgriješili i činili nešto što nije u redu.
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- Mislim da previše ljudi provodi previše vremena prateći što njihov partner radi i neprekidno njuškajući ne bi li otkrili znakove prevare. To mora da je iscrpljujuće. Kako bi bilo da oboje jednostavno živite svoje živote i nadate se najboljem. Na kraju krajeva, ako vas ima namjeru prevariti, učinit će to ovako i onako, no vi ne biste trebali provoditi sate i sate tražeći znakove preljuba - savjetuje Jana.
Posve suprotno gledanje na ‘mikro varanje‘
Savjetnik za veze Jonathan Bennett ima drugačiji stav o "mikro varanju".
- To je ponašanje koje se ne bi moglo smatrati potpuno nevjernim, ali je svakako povreda povjerenja u vezi koja može voditi do pravog varanja u budućnosti. Osim toga, ovisi i o stavovima - što je za nekoga "mikro varanje", za drugoga je prava pravcata nevjera. Primjerice, ako ste u vezi, a niste obrisali svoj profil za dejtanje, to znači da i dalje tražite i da vas zanimaju i drugi ljudi. Time pokazujete svoju namjeru i nedostatak poštovanja prema osobi s kojom ste u vezi, a to vide i drugi, jer su profili javni. Neki partner to može shvatiti kao neodgovorno ponašanje, ali ne kao varanje, dok drugome to može značiti samo jedno - automatski prekid - kaže.
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Gdje je granica između stvarnog varanja i "mikro varanja"?
- Emocionalna nevjera razlikuje se od tjelesne, nije opipljiva poput nje, ali i dalje može vrlo snažno povrijediti prevarenu osobu, možda čak i snažnije. Ipak, iznenadilo me da velik broj ljudi i običan "lajk" na društvenim mrežama doživljava kao nevjeru - govori Bennett.
Nije toliko važno, naravno, kakve sve oblike "mikro varanje" može imati, nego imate li potrebu za njime i zašto. Možda se lagani (online) flert može činiti neobaveznom zabavom, no ako poslije toga osjećate krivnju i osjećate da niste bili pošteni prema partneru, znači da i sami smatrate kako ste ga upravo prevarili. Važno je da razumijete granice svoje veze, da znate što bi moglo povrijediti partnera te, isto tako, da znate što nikako ne biste voljeli da partner čini vama. Tada ćete znati i koliko bi mikro varanja vaša veza mogla podnijeti ili, još bolje, nećete imati potrebe za bilo kakvim varanjem, piše Živim.hr.
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Ako ste u vezi, a niste obrisali svoj profil za dejtanje, to znači da i dalje tražite i da vas zanimaju i drugi ljudi. Time pokazujete svoju namjeru i nedostatak poštovanja prema osobi s kojom ste u vezi, tvrdi savjetnik za veze Jonathan Bennett (ilustracija)
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Preljub, odnosno varanje ljubavnog partnera ili partnerice najveće je iskušenje za vezu. Kao što se razlikuju partneri i veze, tako se razlikuje i ono što neki smatraju varanjem.
Slanje vrućih fotografija ili dogovaranje spoja iza leđa partneru (ili partnerici) postupci su koje povezujemo s preljubom. Australska stručnjakinja za veze Jana Hocking tvrdi da postoji nešto što se naziva "mikro varanje" i za što se gotovo svakoga od nas može optužiti
"Mikro varanje" uključuje svakodnevne "sitne" aktivnosti, poput hihotanja sa zgodnom konobaricom u omiljenom kafiću, pa čak i divljenje savršenom tijelu nekog pjevača ili pjevačice. Prema mišljenju Jane Hocking, svi to ponekad činimo - i ne trebamo se toga sramiti, piše Nina Čiča za Živim.hr.
---
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- Čak i ako imam partnera (a nažalost nemam ga), reći ću svojim kolegicama s posla "wow" kad pored nas prođe najzgodniji tip u uredu - izjavila je za News.com.au.
Dodala je i kako se nada da će i njezin budući partner učiniti isto ili da će, kad budu zajedno, provesti spoj promatrajući seksepilne neznance na javnom mjestu s ciljem ultimativnog "iskustva zbližavanja". Onima koji su protiv "mikro- varanja" savjetuje da potraže pomoć i porade na svom problemu koji se tiče potrebe kontroliranja partnera.
Problem privlačnih prijatelja suprotnog spola
Još jedno "smiješno" zvono za uzbunu za australsku single stručnjakinju za veze je reći intimnom partneru da ne smije imati privlačne prijatelje suprotnog spola.
- S obzirom na to da nisam u vezi, moram reći da se neću prestati češljati i šminkati samo zato da bih mogla ostati prijateljica s nekim dobrim muškarcima u svom životu koji su u vezama. Volim misliti da su njihove partnerice dovoljno sigurne u sebe da znaju da im ja nisam nikakva prijetnja - kaže Jana dodajući da postoji samo jedan razlog zašto bi za vas bio problem to što vaš partner čavrlja s drugim osobama suprotnog spola, a to je da zato što ste sami zgriješili i činili nešto što nije u redu.
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- Mislim da previše ljudi provodi previše vremena prateći što njihov partner radi i neprekidno njuškajući ne bi li otkrili znakove prevare. To mora da je iscrpljujuće. Kako bi bilo da oboje jednostavno živite svoje živote i nadate se najboljem. Na kraju krajeva, ako vas ima namjeru prevariti, učinit će to ovako i onako, no vi ne biste trebali provoditi sate i sate tražeći znakove preljuba - savjetuje Jana.
Posve suprotno gledanje na ‘mikro varanje‘
Savjetnik za veze Jonathan Bennett ima drugačiji stav o "mikro varanju".
- To je ponašanje koje se ne bi moglo smatrati potpuno nevjernim, ali je svakako povreda povjerenja u vezi koja može voditi do pravog varanja u budućnosti. Osim toga, ovisi i o stavovima - što je za nekoga "mikro varanje", za drugoga je prava pravcata nevjera. Primjerice, ako ste u vezi, a niste obrisali svoj profil za dejtanje, to znači da i dalje tražite i da vas zanimaju i drugi ljudi. Time pokazujete svoju namjeru i nedostatak poštovanja prema osobi s kojom ste u vezi, a to vide i drugi, jer su profili javni. Neki partner to može shvatiti kao neodgovorno ponašanje, ali ne kao varanje, dok drugome to može značiti samo jedno - automatski prekid - kaže.
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Gdje je granica između stvarnog varanja i "mikro varanja"?
- Emocionalna nevjera razlikuje se od tjelesne, nije opipljiva poput nje, ali i dalje može vrlo snažno povrijediti prevarenu osobu, možda čak i snažnije. Ipak, iznenadilo me da velik broj ljudi i običan "lajk" na društvenim mrežama doživljava kao nevjeru - govori Bennett.
Nije toliko važno, naravno, kakve sve oblike "mikro varanje" može imati, nego imate li potrebu za njime i zašto. Možda se lagani (online) flert može činiti neobaveznom zabavom, no ako poslije toga osjećate krivnju i osjećate da niste bili pošteni prema partneru, znači da i sami smatrate kako ste ga upravo prevarili. Važno je da razumijete granice svoje veze, da znate što bi moglo povrijediti partnera te, isto tako, da znate što nikako ne biste voljeli da partner čini vama. Tada ćete znati i koliko bi mikro varanja vaša veza mogla podnijeti ili, još bolje, nećete imati potrebe za bilo kakvim varanjem, piše Živim.hr.
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/Shutterstock
‘Ako poslije flerta osjećate krivnju i osjećate da niste bili pošteni prema partneru, znači da i sami smatrate kako ste ga upravo prevarili‘ (ilustracija)
/Shutterstock
Prevare u vezi, pa i takozvano mikro varanje, veliki su izazov za vezu (ilustracija)
Afp
Ako ste u vezi, a niste obrisali svoj profil za dejtanje, to znači da i dalje tražite i da vas zanimaju i drugi ljudi. Time pokazujete svoju namjeru i nedostatak poštovanja prema osobi s kojom ste u vezi, tvrdi savjetnik za veze Jonathan Bennett (ilustracija)
/Shutterstock
‘Velik broj ljudi i običan ‘lajk‘ na društvenim mrežama doživljava kao nevjeru (ilustracija)
/Shutterstock
‘Mikro varanje‘ uključuje svakodnevne ‘sitne‘ aktivnosti, poput hihotanja sa zgodnom konobaricom u omiljenom kafiću (ilustracija)
/Shutterstock
Promatranje seksepilnih neznanaca na javnom mjestu spada u ‘mikro varanje‘ (ilustracija)
Michael Tran/Afp
‘Mikro varanje‘ uključuje čak i divljenje savršenom tijelu neke pjevačice. Taylor Swift
Afp
‘Mikro varanje‘ uključuje čak i divljenje savršenom tijelu nekog pjevača. Maneskin
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17. svibanj 2024 10:02
